For when I am weak, then I am strong

Week 7 has now come to completion, and it is hard to believe that I am in my final weeks with these children I have come to know so well and love so deeply!  We actually started talking today about which children we wanted to adopt, and at the end of the day I think each of us had 6 children “called” as ours!  Week 7 was a crazy one, but as I reflect on it, I also realize how great it was for so many reasons.  Bear with me now as I reflect and expand on my journey through week 7! 

The children had so much energy last week, and well, ours is dwindling quite fast, so it was a matchup that was doomed for child victory.  However, we had the upper hand with 16 volunteers from Grace Community helping us with the kids!  Praise the Lord for these amazing kids and adults that took a week out of their busy schedules to not only help us as teachers, but to also invest in the lives of our kids.  They were such a great help and it allowed us to take a little breather, have a bit more control, and most importantly for every kid to get A LOT of 1 on 1 time that is rare in these kids’ lives.  Because we had extra hands and feet, I was able to invest and get to know each of my kids much better as well, breaking my heart again and again for these amazing kids of Indianapolis!

(Since I cannot tell you the exact names of my children, I will be making up names for each of my kids as I continue this post and share direct stories from week 7.)

One of my boys has been struggling with his writing all summer.  As I have looked over his journal writings, I wonder if he has some sort of dyslexia.  His letters are barely legible, his words are mismatched, and it is just not at the level of a 10-year -old boy.  I decided that since we had a work group in, I would send him with one of the adults (who is a former teacher).  When they returned to the classroom, it was like night and day from the writings he had previously done.  The helper remarked that she did not help him with any spelling or writing, and that he had done it all on his own.  I was so proud of him and gave him a HUGE hug.  I was literally forcing back tears flooding my eyes.  This happened both Monday and Tuesday.  Tuesday’s writing prompt was to write one affirming sentence about each student in our class.  When my boy returned with his writing, it was not only beautiful in appearance and structure, but his final affirmation was about himself saying, “Taylor is a great writer.”  Not only had he improved and made me proud, he found pride in his own work and saw his own potential – a life lesson many inner-city kids struggle to learn.

One of the days I had my children write for their journal prompt a letter to God.  I told them they could ask any questions or tell God whatever they wanted.  Usually my children complain about writing but my kids took to it like a duck to water!  One boy wrote asking God lots of questions about what it was like to create everything and how he does it all.  One of my girls touched my heart to its core.  She wrote a letter to God telling him how amazing he was “God you are beautiful, smart, kind, and loving.”  She went on to ask God to help her mom stop smoking because she didn’t want her mom to die.  Later in the week we were able to have a one-on-one chat and she opened up to me about her fears with her mother’s smoking.  I was able to not only affirm her individually, but God gave me the opportunity to encourage her to tell her mom about her feelings – knowing that God gives you the strength to say and do the things that scare you!  Oh she is a beautiful girl!

I have a boy in my class who is a GREAT kid, but continually makes poor decisions.  As soon as you tell him he is doing a great job and try to affirm him, he does something to self-destruct and be the “bad kid”.  It has been a frustrating this summer to know how to love on him, discipline, and affirm him all at the same time.  I knew he needed a strong male role model in his life, but I obviously cannot supply that need.  In our group of volunteers, we had a 34-year-old adult leader (who happens to have 2 small boys).  He took my boy under his wing, and it made all the difference!  It was amazing to see what a strong male model, especially a Christian man, made in this 10-year-old’s life!  He opened up to the adult about wanting to be more than what he sees around him.  This boy only sees the future in front of him to be a drug dealer, in a gang, or be in prison.  He shared that he wants more – He wants to go to college.  He wants more.  Wow, it brings me to tears to simply write those words.  His desire for more goes beyond wanting a future education, he is seeking and searching about who God is and what this whole “Christian” thing means.  I was able to share Jesus with him.  The entire time I sat talking with him, he had his arms wrapped around me and just hugged me.  All he is looking for is the love that won’t let go.  I cannot be that for him forever, but for now, I will show him that there is one that will be that for him.

As part of our summer program, we have to evaluate each of our kids on a spiritual scale.  At the beginning of the summer, we guessed where each of our kids fell because we didn’t know them personally.  Now that we are at the end and re-evaluating, I had the special privilege of pulling each of my kids out to talk one-on-one about where they fell.  I asked questions like “what does it mean to have a personal relationship with Jesus?”, “do you have one?”, and “What do you do in this relationship – what does that mean?”.  This was a time to share Jesus with my kids, affirm them, and let them know that I am always there for them and praying for them.  During these interactions, my kids really opened up.  One girl shared about her family struggles and her fear that her parents might get a divorce.  Another 8-year-old boy opened up to another intern about his struggle with missing his father who is in prison.  Each of my kids showed their heart to me in small ways during week 7, and I am blessed beyond words to be there for them!  I have seen such growth in my children from the beginning of the summer til now.  I know that what happens in their lives goes beyond my time here.  It goes beyond what I am doing and it is all about what God is doing. 

Please be praying for rest, strength, patience, and open hearts to love on our kids. 

I want to show you what real love looks like

I have not written in a couple weeks – life has been a bit hectic.  I will try to summarize my past two weeks fairly quickly, otherwise this could be a VERY long post!  I have completed weeks 5 & 6 since last posting.

Things are continuing to go – crazy at times, and then extremely encouraging and growing at other times.  I love my kids and am amazed every day at what God is teaching me.  Week 5 all of the kids from all of the elementary sites were able to participate in Spring Hill Camp.  They did not stay overnight, but every day we went to a local church and had camp with the kids.  This was a blessing, as us interns were not in charge and were able to have fun and encourage our kids more than usual.  At Spring Hill Camp, they sing silly camp songs, learn Bible Lessons and get to do fun game stations.  These game stations included the EuroBungy, Rock Climbing, Spider Mountain, Zip Lining, GagaBall (which is my new favorite game), bow & arrow shooting, Paint Marking (we do not call them paint ball GUNS, because that brings a VERY different connotation to these children, and we do not want that), Flying Squirrel (where we hoist the children up in a harness & they feel like they are flying), and of course WATER GAMES (which they got to do every day)!  They were also able to tie-dye shirts (I was also able to tie-dye my very own shirt for the first time).  The camp was so much fun and the kids seemed to have such a great time!  For many kids, if it weren’t for the Shepherd Day Camp (Summer Excel) Program, they wouldn’t be able to afford to go to camp.  It was a wonderful week where the kids were free to be just that – KIDS. 

The theme of Spring Hill Week was Super Heros – so on Thursday all of the counselors dressed up as Super Heros.  Some were silly things – like Super Awesome Girl, Disco Diva, Sunshine Girl, and Mighty Mustache Man.  I dressed up as “Inner Beauty Queen” (thanks Jeremy Height for the name).  I made it my mission that day to tell every girl how beautiful she was and make her feel valuable and loved!  At first, my kids didn’t get it at all!  I was called names like “you’re weird” “You’re funny looking”, to which I responded “thank goodness I am INNER Beauty!” haha  But it was fun to dress up and be silly with the kids and set an example for the girls especially. 

The last day of camp, the Spring Hill Counselors offered the opportunity for the kids to ask Jesus into their hearts.  Several of the children from my group prayed and asked Jesus into their heart and it was a moving experience.   All of the Spring Hill counselors were sad to say goodbye, but all of us were ready to be back into a normal routine with the kids again!  I know that week 5 was probably something that will have a lasting impact on the kids’ lives. 

Over the weekend we did some great Intern bonding activities.  Friday night all the girls dressed up and went out to dinner!  It was a LOT of fun, but very hot!  We had dinner at Buca Di Beppo’s and then walked around downtown.  The guys had a guy night with competition to win a trophy.  Saturday a group of us went to Broad Ripple Street side of Indy and walked around at all the little shops they had.  We even found this store that had all old school 80’s and early 90’s clothes, and we laughed hysterically at the crazy things people used to wear! Saturday night we all went to the $2.25 movie theatres and I got to see RIO (great animated movie, highly recommend seeing it!)  Sunday was probably my favorite experience of the entire summer.  We all drove after church up to Lake Morse and spent the day on the Lake, going tubing and Jet Skiing.  This was my first experience doing this, but it was so much fun.  Although, my body has been so sore all week and hugging my children brought more pain and joy, it was totally worth it!  It was a relaxing time to simply be outside, no worries, and having fun with this amazing community!

Week 6 was probably one of the craziest yet! Haha  Trying to regain structure after not having any structure the entire week before.    And being exhausted from being on the lake all day started the week off a little rough.  However, I learned from my children every day and was thankful for a great team of fellow interns at BEACH to keep me encouraged to not give up!   We continually have to teach and discipline the children in respect, and at the same time show them we will not give up or leave them.  It is rewarding to see them open up.  It is fantastic to have them run into the room and give me a huge hug. 

Tuesday we took the kids to see a dairy farm, and it was a completely different for these kids to experience than the city life.  Our kids asked some very interesting questions and I think were quite perplexed by the entire process.  They did NOT like the smells and were impatient, but it was definitely good for them to experience a new way of life that exists beyond their world. 

Wednesday, our Septic system backed up, and since we did not have functioning bathrooms, we had to move our children over to another Elementary site, Brookeside, for the rest of the week.  Brookeside has HUGE classrooms, but no air conditioning, so it was UNIQUE experience for our kids!  We made it through and loved being at Brookeside, but I doubt we will be invited back the rest of the summer after some crazy happenings…including one of our children pulling their fire alarm Friday…yep, perfect ending to a very CRAZY week!

What has God been teaching me…

God has been teaching me so many things.  I have been continually learning what real love looks like.  Last January God spoke into my life that he wanted to show me what real love looked like – His love.  Little did I know that I would be here at Shepherd Community working with Inner City kids, experiencing His love in every way everyday.  I am learning that real love extends grace before anger.  Real love disciplines and corrects.  Real love does not give up or walk away when things get tough.  Real love must first have love in order to give it.  That is a HUGE lesson I have learned – I myself must first accept God’s love and forgiveness before I can ever share it with others.  I must daily surrender and be filled by His love before I can give any away.  When I try to give it myself, I come up short – in my words, my thoughts, my actions…everything.  I have seen growth in my own heart and life- seeing myself become more tender and patient.  Although I am a LONG way away from what God desires of me, I know that I am learning and growing in ways that will impact His ministry for my life.  I am sad there are only 2 weeks left here, I know that this summer program is far from complete!  God is still planning to move in GREAT ways & please be praying for us to keep pushing, to not become complacent, but to keep working and loving without boundaries!

Holy Holy Holy is the Lord God Almighty, Who Was and Is and Is to Come

God has blessed me with a wonderful Week 4.  I feel as if I am beginning to actually see and experience some growth in working with my kids.  I sense they are beginning to understand that I am not going anywhere and I love them.   I am learning so much from working with these kids in patience, compassion, grace, and unconditional love.  I am being stretched and challenged more every day.    I want to share with you in the conclusion of Week 4, some funny, interesting, and great stories about my days with my kids.

Let me begin with a somewhat funny story.  Remember the TV that almost crushed one of my kids?  Well, when I walked into my classroom on Monday morning, there sat not 1, but 2 TV’s.  My immediate reaction was “Ok, God, Reallll Funny”.  Haha  I say that in a very sarcastic tone, but for the rest of the week, whenever the kid would go near one of the TV’s, I would ask “did we not learn our lesson the first time?!?” haha God has a sense of Humor!

Another interesting story comes from Week 3 that I forgot to share in my last post.  While reading the book “I Love My Pirate Papa” to my children, the ending made the statement from the Pirate Father to his little boy that with all the plundering and treasures he had, the one he treasured most of all was his son.  I talked with the kids a little about it, and told them that God loved them in this way – that He created everything and yet valued and loved them more than anything!  Simple, sweet, and affirming right?  Well, one by one my kids started asking questions about this statement and about who God is – mind you, they are between the ages of 8-10.  Well, we spent about the next 30 minutes talking about things, which included me explaining the trinity to them (not an easy task) and also explaining how Jesus came to be without using the words virgin, immaculate conception, or talking about anything that should not be talked about to these 8-10 year olds!  Haha  Thank the Lord for the wisdom, the words, and previous adult conversations that helped me know how to simply explain these things to my kids.  I am so thankful they asked and I was able to answer.  I pray they will continue to ask & God will give me the right words!

This week we had some different things in our schedules.  The first was a Fire Safety Training called Survive Alive that all of our kids took part in on Monday.  I was blessed to be driving a minibus full of kids for the first time.  I am thankful to announce it went well…and by well, I mean everyone made it to and from the locations safely! :)  The kids were also fitted for brand new Nike tennis shoes, shorts, and a t-shirt for the school year on Week 2 of Camp.  On Friday of this week, they were all given the shoes & shorts, which are free for every student.  Every child in our program will now have a brand new pair of quality, and fitting shoes for the school year!  What a blessing!  Some of the kids at our site were also able to get free dental health check-ups and cleaning this week, actually at our location.  A dentist and a few hygienists came to BEACH, set up, sanitized, and did everything in one of our conference rooms.  It is another blessing to see that our kids are being taken care of in all areas of need!  I am so blessed to be working with an amazing organization like Shepherd!

Wednesday’s are our split days.  By that I mean that the girls and boys are divided for nearly the entire day – getting to go to Jireh Sports, and then either going swimming or staying back at BEACH for learning & fun.  This week, the boys had swimming, so I was able to stay back with the girls for these 2 ½ hours!  They were so good – and not that I do not love my boys and spending time with them – it is just refreshing to sometimes have a calm chance with the girls.  They are very well behaved (with a little sassy/drama mixed in..) and it is hard to get those opportunities to affirm them the way they need to be affirmed when the boys are around.  So, I loved getting to spend the day with 11 beautiful girls at BEACH.  I actually had 2 main responsibilities with them.  The first was cooking – I taught them how to make Rice Krispie Treats (and they loved getting to help)!  The second was “Girl Time”.  This was really open to whatever I wanted to do with them, and since God has given me a passion for young girls & struggles they face, I wanted it to be a time of relaxation, openness, and affirmation, without the pressure.  Soooo…We painted nails.  :)  I also told all the girls that they could ask any of us girls any questions they wanted to or even ask us about our life and experiences, that we would be honest, open, and non-judgmental with them.  We didn’t get much on the question end, but, the girls really seemed to enjoy this time of bonding, and it opens the doors for future conversations and relationship.  My prayer is that I can be a positive role model for these young girls and they will feel comfortable enough with me to open up and ask questions about anything as it may come. 

As I mentioned earlier, I felt as if this week, the kids really started opening up to me and I began really understanding them much better.  I felt as if we began the bonding process! Haha  I saw this in many ways this week.  First, I did a Bible Lesson one day where I sat in the middle of the floor, looked at the kids, and motioned for them to come in as close as they could.  What I got was consumed by approximately 15 children hugging me all at once.  They were laughing, and so was I!  It was a wonderful time, and I think it was even more beneficial for them to sit to close through the lesson, because they seemed to really understand and relate to the Bible Lesson I shared (It was about Moses being afraid to go back to Egypt and God telling Moses He would provide for all of his needs).  I loved having them so near, and also adored being able to be kind of silly and serious at the same time.  Secondly, I had one of my students on Friday ask during silent reading time if she could instead of reading silently, read the book to me.  Of course, I said YES!!!  She is a very good reader, and it was great to spend some time sitting next to her, enjoying a book with her!  These are such little things I took for granted growing up, but mean the world to my children!  We also had an improv fashion show put on by some of our kids on Friday during free time.  It was so fun to show them our silly side. The crazy part was, it was both girls AND BOYS that were playing this fashion show, and directing us on what poses to do for the imaginary camera.  Mind you, it was our 5^th and 6^th grade students who conspired this entire Fashion Show! (and, of course, Miss Nichole and myself were definitely the winners of the show… ;-) )  One more significant experience from the week would have to be an interaction I had with one of the older boys on Friday.  He was having a rough start to his day, so I simply sat down next to him for our worship and Bible time.  I put my arm around him, and he held my hand and also many times placed it on top of his head– not in a creepy way, but in a way that he just simply needed that positive affirmation and touch.  I hadn’t really had much in interactions with this boy up until now, but for the rest of the day, I was his best friend!  He is a very smart kid, but can struggle to fit in socially with the other kids.  There’s more things going on in his life right now than what I can mention here, but please be praying for him.

All in All, It was a great week!  When I wasn’t having fun with my kids, I was hanging out with my awesome community of fellow Interns – playing Ultimate Frisbee, Signs, or going out to eat. My roommate Becca and I also killed our 3rd bee in less than 2 weeks in our apartment, and it was quite the adventure - neither of us having been stung before and terrified to find out if we were in fact allergic if the bee did sting us. (ya, we're such girls...) I was also able to get some good alone, quiet time with the Lord this week that I believe made all the difference!  I went on Tuesday night to Garfield Park Conservatory for some quiet time and discipleship meeting, and it is probably one of the most beautiful places I have been.  It is filled with exotic flowers and plants, waterfalls, fountains, benches, and this sense of peace and beauty!  For those of you that know my love for nature, you realize that this is my idea of quiet time with the Lord! 

This next week will be a camp for all of the kids in all our elementary programs called Spring Hill!  It will be nice to have a little time off of the normal routine with the kids now that we are halfway through the summer… :/  But I am most excited about being able to get to be more affirming, encouraging, and silly with my kids, and getting to know them better. 

Until Next week, Thanks for reading :)  God is so good!